Where is my Fairy Godmother? Oh, right. She doesn’t exist. In a perfect world, we would all have infinite resources allowing us to choose the most perfect option. Boatloads of cash, infinite knowledge, and oodles of time.
We don’t live in a perfect world. Therefore, we must often compromise, choosing the best option for our needs. This post focuses on our decision-making process when we can’t get everything that we want.
What We Want: To create a barrier around our property that provides privacy and beauty. We live in a suburb and are surrounded by neighbors. We want a yard that encourages play. We want to sit around a fire pit on our patio and visit with friends while our children play lawn games and just spend time exploring. We want our house to have curb appeal. Beauty is important. We want a high fence so that we can do our best to prohibit local deer from eating our plants.
The Options:
1. A tall, high-quality privacy fence along the entire perimeter of our house installed by outside help.
Pros: Beautiful. Exactly what we want. Provides privacy. Provides a large obstacle for deer. Can keep a dog in the yard. No time commitment on our part which leaves time for us to focus on other projects. If purchased with the right materials, this option would be more durable and require minimal if any upkeep.
Minuses: Argh!!! The cost. We cannot afford this option at this point in time. We could save up for it, but we want to use our yard space now. We do not want to invest this amount of money in a fence when there are so many projects in which we want to invest.
Decision: Not an option! No.
2. A tall, high-quality privacy fence with steel posts and wood slats along the entire perimeter of our house installed by a mix of outside help and us (Hire out the steel posts. We construct the remainder of the fence.)
Pros: Beautiful. Closer to what we want. Provides privacy. Provides a large obstacle for deer. Can keep a dog in the yard. Still expensive, but way more affordable and doable for us financially.
Minuses: Uh….for me, skills. Neither of us have ever constructed a fence, and this would be an enormous project. My husband estimates 3 months of work everyday. We both work full-time jobs, and have a daughter who is involved in extra-curricular activities. We have other projects we want to do, projects that are more soul-fulfilling. It is important to me that I cook for my family, and that we make time to enjoy each other. We want to plant flowers and food. We both foresee months of resentment, arguments, and exhaustion. In the end we ask each other? Is the pay-off worth it? Sometimes buckling down for a few months and changing our attitude about the work is the best option on all levels. For us, a fence is not worth months of resentment and lack of quality time. I work with folks who are faced with death every day, and if I would look back on my life, I would resent not having spent quality time with my people.
Decision: Not an option! No.
3. A tall, chain-link fence installed by a fence company and lining the perimeter of our yard.
Pros: Provides a barrier for our yard. Provides a large obstacle for deer. Can keep a dog in the yard. Provides a backbone for plants to adhere to (cucumber, squash etc.). Still expensive, but way more affordable and doable for us financially. Relatively quick turnaround time.
Minuses: Not aesthetically pleasing. No privacy. Well, we could have privacy if we were willing to wait for plants or trees to grow up the fence, but this option includes financial output for both the fence and landscape.
Decision: In the end, we decide that this is not the option that we want to pursue.
4. Wrought iron fence in the front. Living 5-6 foot hedges around the remaining perimeter.
Pros: More in line with our values (beauty and function). Beautiful, curb appeal. Wrought iron is durable and lasting. More financially feasible. We hire out the wrought iron portion, and do the hedges ourselves. Teaching our daughter vegetation skills is important to us. We can work as a family doing soul-fulfilling, values-driven activities. The hedge grows at a rate of 1 foot per year, and will provide us the privacy that we crave in a timely manner. May provide a barrier for deer? This is to be determined. Upkeep is easy with the help of an attachment on the lawn mower for trimming.
Cons: Does not provide a barrier to keep in a dog. Oh well. There are other options, and walking a dog provides good exercise. There is a delay in waiting for the hedge to grow to a height we would like. May not keep out local wildlife which creates a challenge in growing our own food.
Decision: Yes!
Choosing the living hedge/wrought iron solution does not provide the perfect solution, but teaching our daughter to compromise while also staying true to values is a lifelong skill. We cannot have everything we want in life, but we can have what we want. Focusing on the exercise that we will get walking our dog helps to reframe what could be a negative into a positive. Ultimately training our dog to stay in our lawn, choosing a dog breed that is more trainable…all of these are options. Same goes for deer deterrent options.
We value surrounding ourselves with nature, having a home that has good resale value should we ever choose to move out to the country, carving out quality time to spend together engaging in soul-fulfilling activities, being a good steward of our finances, and teaching our daughter life skills that will enable her to be a mature young woman. Ultimately, the living hedge/wrought iron option is in line with all of our values.
When faced with a decision that seems insurmountable, stepping back and focusing on your values will always help make that decision…one of the many seeds that I want to plant for my daughter.